The secret to desire in a long-term relationship | Esther Perel

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In long-term relationships, we often expect our beloved to be both best friend and erotic partner. But as Esther Perel argues, good and committed sex draws on two conflicting needs: our need for security and our need for surprise. So how do you sustain desire? With wit and eloquence, Perel lets us in on the mystery of erotic intelligence.

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50 COMMENTS

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  4. I'm so greatful to have access to the thoughts of genius people like this woman. I'm only 24 and I am already learning such important things which takes others a life time to understand, if at all.

  5. this reminds me of what hans comyn said, in which he shared a similar problem and his solution was to be a good boyfriend intimate partner, but in the erotic realm, be an entirely different animal

  6. I am so depressed because I have already tried all the stuff she mentions but sadly, because of months of rejection, I have lost the playfulness and there I am in this vicious circle: he rejects me, so I am sad, so he rejects me. Relationshit.

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  8. After coming out of a great relationship that turnt sour this gives me so much hope as someone who never bothered to invest time into learning about relationships / men

  9. Her idea of adventure vs security and balancing between the two reminds me of Jordan Peterson's "order and chaos". Maybe he just needs to get laid 😂

  10. Almost 20 minutes of idiotic rambling that boils down to, "Monogamy boring. Let her play around with anybody if you want her to want you."

  11. For this to work, the couple must be consciously working to create and sustain a great relationship outside the "bedroom."

  12. "Relationship". Hahahahaha. What happened to "love", "affection" and "romance". A relationship you can have with your dog or your car.

  13. I watch this a a single male so that i know what to do when im in a relationship…when i was 13 i read all the medical books in the library about male and female anatomy and sexuality.Like a manual for fixing your car i studied it beforehand so i could be equipped for the day of getting to 'home base'😐👍

  14. All… ACCEPT FOR ONE! Which is?
    Is it Bharatam (India) again? They are an anomaly in so many other things.
    So, if we live in an unhealthy society and we have an exception to the rule…

  15. I think I need some space. Not that it is invaded, but we are together, always. We haven't slept apart for years. 20 yrs in, everything is great, but the passion….that's what's lacking

  16. Why do I feel like Esther perel was jayZ and Beyoncé’s marriage counsellor when they had the adultery rock in their marriage ?

  17. If desire needs space like fire needs air, I wonder how that plays into this uptick in dating of blocking…cuz sometimes people get back together after being blocked…not all…but are we so aware of the need for space on an unconscious level…but not conscious enough to employ less harsh tactics than blocking to obtain space.

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  19. The only reason i watched this was because i wanted to see how postanimalic and yet prehuman, our species still is – all the confident statements in this video are a total lack of inteligence and knowledge, a total ignorance.

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  21. If you want to hear more from her, listen to her podcast Where Should We Begin?
    It's a recording of actual marriage counseling sessions between her and different couples.

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